it's not THAT GREAT after all...

Last night on my way home from doing some shopping, I heard 2 DJs on the radio discussing about how when we were younger life was so much simpler. I could not agree more! I mean I would only worry about how fast I can save my baon so that I can buy new shoes or a bag but now I worry about my rent, my bills and where I'm going to get all the money to pay for them. Indeed, life was so simple then but that was not how I looked at things then.

I remember nung gradeschool ako in Cavite, I would worry about my crush not having a crush on me or not being included in the next school program as in super babaw things but syempre noon big deal yun! Back then I wanted to be in highschool na kasi the highschool girls like my ate seem so cool compared to my friends so I wanted so much to be like them. They had boys to get them stuff and be their slaves. I wanted that!

So here comes highschool with me being a probinsyana in Assumption so super awkward talaga. Much worse, there were no boys to be slaves and all my classmates were talking about Girbaud jeans and Jansport bags and as for me, I do not know what Girbaud is much more spell it! They had discussions about boys they met at soirees and at other schools' fairs and I cannot relate because my mom won't let me go to those affairs because our house is far. It was not something we would waste gas for. Kaya ayun, highschool was not as great as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong ha because in AC I met my bestest friends and learned so much but then I said when I go to college, I will have more freedom to meet boys and go to parties.

Eto na college na ako and yes there were boys in DLSU as in wahaw ang dami! Eye candy galore wherever you go to eat or just to make tambay, there were boys all over. But then hindi pa din ako cool, nerd pa din! I was block president and eventually LA rep for my college plus I made it to the Dean's List every term so talagang branded as nerd na ako. Feeling ko until I become popular with boys and envied (hated?) by girls, di ako cool. I thought na naman that college is not that great after all, at least not how I imagined it would be with the boys and all.

Finally I graduated and started working. Yes it was cool and I felt very matured and responsible but then again when I was going out and partying till 4 AM with all the freedom in the world, I still thought that it was not as great as I thought it would be. Fun talaga especially in advertising pero still it was not as great as I thought it would be. So di ba shit talaga because I seem to not find the greatness I am looking for in my life!

Then doing some muni muni I came to realize that life has been good, no great for me. I have all these bitches and jerks who love me and laugh at or with me and I love that! I mean yes this is what I have been looking for. Cigarette and coffee breaks with talks on life, babaw or not. Movies and shopping for me is cool and fun already, I'm actually happy thank God :)

I have longed for so many things before like popularity and shit like that to make me feel that life is great. Heck, I don't need those pala, I just need to be happy where I am and hope that it gets better. This is not mature talk ha just something you realize after years of wanting and wanting to be someone other than yourself. Maybe when I'm old and gray, I will look at my life and say that it is not THAT GREAT after all... but it was the best life I could possibly have lived :)